Let me begin by saying that this post may contain too much information on that illicit topic of (GASP) breastfeeding! It may be too much for the faint of heart or those with a y chromosome. Yeah, that means if you're a guy. Okay, you have been warned.
For all the future breastfeeding moms out there, let me be the first to warn you about how breastfeeding hormones are about to turn you all kinds of crazy. If you thought pregnancy hormones are bad, they are tame compared to this. Pregnancy hormones were like "oh, get that fried chicken away from me before I feel nauseated". Breastfeeding hormones are like "I need to take my child and crawl in a corner in the closet and cry." And knowing it's the hormones doesn't make it feel less real, it just helps you be practical about it, and not actually crawl in a corner and cry. Usually.
I have it down to a science, though. Which it is a science called physiology which is pretty cool but also weird. Anyway. Out of nowhere, I will feel this sadness, and like I need to go pick up Jonah and cuddle him and make sure he's okay. Then, not 10 seconds later, I will feel milk coming in. I guess physiology would say it is the oxytocin hormone, which is the milk hormone but is also the "cuddle hormone". Sometimes it's so bad that I HAVE to go pick up Jonah and hold him. Or if I can't then I have to find Ted and get him to give me a hug. I would probably accept hugs from random strangers if I had to. I think it's pretty cool how God designed my body to need him when he needs me. In theory, when it's not actually happening to ME. Although I'm not really sure how people can say the baby blues made them kill their children, because to me it's the exact opposite instinct. It's like I need to make sure he's okay, happy, and healthy. I NEED to hold and rock him and love him. Which I wish my body would realize that I want to do anyway so this crazy hormone is a little obsolete and annoying. And could stop making me cry at that commercial where all the moms are sending their kids off on the school bus.